Life will always have its trials and tribulations, but as humans, we are programmed to look ahead… how will what we’re going through right now benefit us in the long run?
It’s the basis of two of the largest societal foundations:
Religion: follow the word of God so you can gain access to “heaven,” in the future.
Capitalism: work a job so you can make money so you can prosper, in the future.
Having these two constructs as guiderails for the evolution of society to this point, the delayed gratification construct is rooted into our daily lives. Not to say that delayed gratification isn’t good – we can actually see a direct correlation between those who are able to delay their gratification and their generalized “success” later on in life through experiments like the Stanford Marshmallow Experiment. In this lab, children were given a marshmallow and told that if they didn’t eat it after 15 minutes, they would be rewarded with another marshmallow. Those who waited the 15 minutes were shown to later in life have “better life outcomes” in the form of higher educational attainment, lower BMI, and better qualitative work ethic. But extrapolated to the extreme, we see so many successful people programmed to delay their gratification to the Nth degree, it ends up becoming the very thing that ultimate leads to their fall from grace.
What is the definition of success?
Does higher educational attainment qualify? What about a higher income? What about general happiness? What about physical health? The questions could go on, but the answer is simple – success is subjective. It depends on who you are. Are you living your best life?
The issue is so many people put that goal on such a pedestal, they work their entire life towards that very thing until they realize at the end of the day, is that really all life is for? Why not indulge in the other beauties of life along the way?
It’s the same reason for the new paradigm around retirement – why wait your whole life to go and “retire?” Tim Ferris even suggests sprinkling mini-retirements throughout your professional career.
In reading Wherever You Go, There You Are, it became evident how perverse the modern framing of mind has become – even when we meditate, we end up seeing it as a process to get to a destination. We see meditation as a means to “achieve” a mental state of calmness. Yet this is the antithesis of the direct writings from Buddha. He and his monks suggest the point of meditation is to realize this exact moment, to be conscious of our mind state and present in understanding that we are right here, now.
Obscured by The Mission
As a society, we have become so entangled with our end goal, we forget how foundational each step along the way is. As I said in my last post, we forget the beauty of the journey because we’re so focused on reaching the top of the mountain. But in all reality, the beauty is within the journey itself.
This is not to say we should solely make decisions based on impulse of the current moment – that would set us up for immediate failure (shoutout to all the sweet tooths out there). Rather, for those of us who are so mission oriented, it would be healthy to put effort into rebalancing our focus, making decisions based on their potential future outcomes and how they affect us now.
In modern day, we are fundamentally oriented to focus on the result rather than the process. Get good grades. Cook a good dish. But if our only focus is on the outcome, we lose sight of how that outcome came to be in the first place. How can you improve the grades? Just study super hard for a test? No. By learning in the present, by being attentive when a situation is unfolding in front of you and by comprehending it and reflecting upon it. How can you improve the dish? Just by tasting it and asserting it’s lacking certain flavors? No. By being present in every step of the process, seeing how different additions, methods, etc. change the flavor profile.
Presence is fundamental to evolving and growing as an individual. Only by immersing yourself in the situation at hand can you truly learn from it. To that end, when certain situations present themselves, don’t be afraid to follow your intuition. We must learn to absorb and be present in each moment while we continue on our path, occasionally taking the unexpected adventure. We don't want to wake up one day looking back at our life asking why we didn’t take the chance.
Wisdom from a Friend
As a mentor of mine has taught me from a young age, live life like you’re writing a story with yourself as the protagonist. Would you rather read a straight-line plot where you can predict each page you flip over? Or would you rather read something that grips you, seeing the protagonist face trials and tribulations, get in a sticky situation, overcome a major challenge, and triumph at the end of the day? If you remain present, I’d venture to say you’re more likely to see these opportunities for what they are – exciting plot twists along your life’s journey, so don’t be afraid to take a path less trodden… maybe it results in a little excursion, but who knows, you might even find a shortcut or better yet, you might find a treasure.
This is all to say, don’t forget to balance your future with your present – you never know what you might find.
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